i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize