New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
