whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
