Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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