No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
