if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
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