bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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