You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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