At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
