I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
