Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
