OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
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