I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
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