I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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