i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
She needs sedatives and a leash
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
