He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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