The maid of honor just puked.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
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