Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize
