There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Randomize
