wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
