Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
