there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
