why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Randomize
