the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Randomize