my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Randomize
