New invention idea: vibrating tampons
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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