Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize