I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
