I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
