I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
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