i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Randomize
