Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
