I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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