There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Randomize
