all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
