Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Randomize
