when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
