This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Randomize
