Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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