I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
