he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
