I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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