there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
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