he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
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