Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
