I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Bring me that man meat
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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