She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Randomize
