Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
