I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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