everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
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