i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Randomize
