you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
