In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
