3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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