just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
