As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
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