"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
If I die, sorry about rent.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
