I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Randomize
