I must be too annoying 4 u.
Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
