i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
