I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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