God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
