last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
