There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
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