The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
