When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
