I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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