There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
